36 weeks pregnant. I am absolutely raw emotion right now and my thoughts about pregnancy and birth are (to some, not all) probably so radical that I feel I must be out in left field somewhere. If I hadn’t been at the most profound birth conference around last week, I might think my intensity was kind of severe…however, deep in my core I know I speak the truth for myself and for many other women. And I am not alone, thank goodness.
I physically and emotionally cannot compromise right now about birth. My views on unhindered, physiological birth and mothering aren’t just “views”-they are the blueprint running through my veins in every moment of anticipating my own birth journey. This is my birthright (and yours too) and I feel every inch of it. With my babe on just the cusp of entering, I am feeling every emotional and energetic shift and nuance. On a regular basis I prepare my body, mind and psyche for being blown open, yet again. Being around my pregnant clients is lending itself to this intense woman-to-woman connected-ness. Being around pregnant women in general has caused me to lose all filter, all the nuances of “proper” political behavior in favor of the truth.
I find myself in this place of rawness; and in interaction with mamas in our childbirth class (which is free, open to the public and definitely not attended only by homebirthers) there is no filter on my experience or knowledge to comfort them on the road they are choosing to walk. Those that choose midwife/doctor “in charge” birth, where women sit on the sidelines and watch as decisions are made for them. Where there is no respect for the power of pregnancy, the mystery of birth and of the entity “motherbaby”.
I literally cannot take it anymore. In potential client interviews, I find myself weeding out more mamas than not. I hear my rawness as I answer their questions, and watch them flinch as I say that responsibility in birth is theirs. That it always has been and always will be, no matter how it looks from the outside. I see the fear in some women’s eyes as she realizes, knowing deep down, there is no need to be rescued by anyone. When I tell them that they should be the first ones to touch their babe, that there is no “delivery” by me (under normal circumstances) I see their confusion. Many want, on a subconscious level, to believe that the rawness of birth, the unknown of birth, is something that they can have someone else do for them. I make no apologies for correcting this and it dismays me how many women still do not see the truth.
I know that most women are not ready for these truths, and there are many places and other ways to “have a baby” where they can continue to avoid facing the amazingness of their own power. I’m sad for this; yet I know that a change is coming. A time and place, soon, when women wake up. When they demand to be treated only with respect and reverence, when they insist that the government have no place in their bodies, births or babies. It’s coming, and I pray it comes quickly.
Until then, I, like many others, soldier on. Day after day, believing that it’s worth it to remind women of their inherent wisdom. Worth it to remind them that birth is a shedding of the many skins we wear; and that under these skins is the truth that we’ve buried somewhere.
Women are strong, babies are wise and birth almost always works perfectly. There is no one, no one that knows more about her own process than the actual woman on the verge of bringing a soul earthside through her own body. There is no place for power transfer, no matter what the situation. Mamas and babies deserve the best, the absolute best of their own knowing and they deserve whatever support, in whatever form they deem unnecessary, as they continue their journey from pregnancy to birth to postpartum. That the wisdom we possess is in danger of being lost to fear; and that all we must do is see that and accept it.
Blessings to the mamas that hold the power; and to all my sisters that serve these mamas as well through adversity. You are all held in my heart.