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Love & Light

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by Kelly Caldwell

“The baby is gone.” These words leave only the rubble of pain and shadows from which a mother must pry herself from. There are no emergency medical teams that could rescue her would-be-baby. She stood helplessly as he left her. There was no angelic intervention. Simply loss.

Cold, aching loss.

In this dark hour of loss and questions we wonder if there was something we did or at least if there is something we can DO. We cry, and cry and cry until there are no tears left. Only silence and emptiness and loss. The Love we felt – still feel – for our baby is crushing us. There is a heaviness on our arms – as though we are falling and trying to catch ourselves from a sudden smashing against the rocks. How can nothing weigh so much? That emptiness is so heavy…

And then the light begins to break through. We are comforted by some unseen hand as our hearts and bodies heal. Our lover holds us in ways he never did before and we are knit together by the loss more tightly than we were in the creation. Our friend calls from across the miles and listens to our mourning cries. She understands. Our sister brings some comfort food. Our mothers hold us close as we become little children again – nearly crippled by the grief. The LOVE holds us and comforts us and brings us to others who have lost. And we cry together. And we hope together. And the light breaks through.

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I have never lost a child but my mom did ,twice, and one to homebirth, and too many times the babies WOULD have been saved by a medical team!!

Have you even lost a child??

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