Category Archives: Birth Stories

My baby died on November 18, 2015. I was between 14 and 15 weeks. I was certain he was a boy, and he had told me his name a few weeks prior to his death. Sable (which means “black”) Sage (“teacher” or “wise one”). In the 4 months that passed, a lot occurred. I was

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  • Janessa Craig

    Oh Maryn. So beautifully written. So beautifully shared.
    Blessings to all of you.

  • babz

    this is beautifully shared maryn , i didn't know and i am very sorry for your loss. i know how this feels.

  • Evie

    Love.

  • Olivia

    Such a strong and uplifting experience that leads you to a new evolutionary state and understanding!
    Thanks for sharing your experience. You are amazing!

  • Ellie Lee

    Oh dear Maryn, your writing is so beautiful and profound. My Chrysalis died at 33 weeks 20 years ago and what I learned from his death and birth is with me forever. Your love for Sable Sage will be alive within you always. It is a time of sweet grief, and acceptance. I am so proud of you! I send much love and light to your tender mama's heart.

  • carissa

    Much love to you and Sable. Thank you for trusting the process of life and death, inspiring other women to do the same.

  • Blessed be...Your story is powerful and a testimony to the wonder of life and death. Thank you for sharing so other women might know the power and wisdom of their bodies. Sending you much love and healing.

  • Andrea

    Thank you, Maryn. Blessings to you and your family.

  • Thank you.

    Namaste.

  • Carole

    Oh Maryn a love so great...always and forever

  • Bethany

    Thank you so much for sharing this incredibly personal and womanly experience. I lost a babe at 12 weeks that my body held for a single month after. I am grateful for your heart and for the loving support that you have had. So much love to you.

  • Autumn

    Thank you Maryn for sharing your birth of Sable Sage. Thank you for showing another moment in your life in trusting your body to make the next move. Your testimony will go far and reach many. My prayers and blessings for you and your family through this season.

  • Oh Maryn. Thank you for sharing the story of Sable Sage. My heart goes out to you. <3 Much love Laura

  • MG

    I had a friend that carried her already dead baby for months too. I didn't know her well enough to get the birthing story. This story you tell is profound and I feel honored to have read it. I'm sorry for your loss.

  • My sister and beautiful woman that you are!!!! I just now saw this and also feel very honored to know it.....you are so special and courageous. I had no idea that he was still in you!!! your sharing is so strong and beautiful....thank you AGAIN, for being who you are.....tremendous testimony!!! I love you!

  • Caroline Mirth

    Maryn,
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I was informed three and a half weeks ago my baby does not show any signs of life. I should be about 10 1/2 weeks along now. The Dr. is officially saying miscarriage although my body is saying different. My body is convinced all is good. I have had no cramping or spotting/bleeding of any sorts. I now wait in what I refer to limbo not sure how to feel and when it will all take place. Could something have been missed in the ultrasounds? What I truely treasure about your story is the idea, no truth, of having a birthing story vs a "miscarriage". It gives me a much needed perspective that this will be just as beautiful and is part of my and my lil bugs story. And that taking the time to be present in that moment vs ignoring it and trying to live life through that process. I am so happy a client of mine sent your story to me. God always puts things in our path we need. I hope to find natural support through this process. I may need some help 🙂
    Thank you!
    And what a beautiful name, Sable Sage!

  • Sending love, Caroline and thank you for sharing. Anything is possible, although with a "missed miscarriage" as it's called, the body either takes an extended time to recognize or doesn't in fact recognize that the baby is no longer alive (or that is our human interpretation of what is going on; although it means that the baby does remain within and the body shows very little if any signs of miscarriage.) As I wrote, Sable remained for 4 months, which may or may not be atypical (we don't really know, since most women will seek "help" before that.)
    Feel free to email me if you need more support.
    Blessings,
    Maryn

I KNOW this deep within my bones, and channeling the wise ones, I listen. What has come to me most in the 12 weeks since my baby died within my body (and has yet to be released) is that I am a channel for ancient wisdom. I didn’t hear them at first, overcome with grief

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  • Aly

    Thank you for being so vulnerable with us Maryn. You are an amazing teacher. I am so thankful to learn from you.

  • Francoise Mamacita Souverville

    OH...sister in childbirth!! how we are connected....I have been praying and thinking of you as I lay in bed for the past 25 days with a dislocated ankle...your comment of the 'void' being of darkness and/or death only opens my consciousness to illumination and lightness of being. I have communicated with your baby's spirit!! Maybe as a channel to ancient wisdom as well....as I lay here in the moment carrying my intense physical pain to the 'void' that you are describing. I receive the message that everything is as it should be and carry on one more day. You are a lighthouse for me...we are one in the essence of time. Thank you for your presence.

  • OH...sister in childbirth....your words are like my mirror. I have been in bed for the last 25 days with a dislocated ankle and have prayed and thought of you often. I feel that your baby's spirit is much alive with me and has brought me much hope. Your comment of the 'void' being a darkness/death has brought me an illumination and lightness of being. We are one in the essence of time and through a spirit somehow connected. Through my physical pain of my ankle and leg I discover much wisdom as you mention of knowing that everything is as it should be! Your words are like a lighthouse on my path. Yes a 'space of spaciousness' I am with you.

  • Well......I thought the first comment didn't go through so now you have two! Same thought different words......I love you in time past.....we are one!

I didn't write much about my second miscarriage in 2013, a few months after the first miscarriage, and a few months before getting pregnant with my daughter Celosia. Two years later, I still found myself thinking about it, and was looking to see what if any photos I had saved, and came upon one that

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  • Michele

    This is beautiful. What did you do with her? I never know how to ask that question.

  • I should add that to the story when I get a chance this week, but the short story is that we buried her next to the baby from our first loss, in the front yard of my in-laws home where we lived In a studio at the time.

  • Michele

    Thank you for sharing. I'm friends with a woman who lost 8 babies, and I don't know how to ask her what happens after. It's so tragic. I'm so sorry. I can feel your love for your sweet girl.

  • Kate

    Thanks for sharing the photo of your precious little girl. 13yrs ago (at just 20yrs old) I gave birth ("miscarried") to a 16wk little boy, perfect in every way, right down to his tiny, tiny fingernails. He was beautiful in my eyes, but I showed him only to my mother and my closest friend. Somehow, I felt I wanted to protect him from other people who may have thought he looked less-than-perfect or beautiful. I think you are very brave to share her photo with others, and I hope that writing this post has helped in your journey of healing.

  • Shawna

    I just went through this same thing basically. My baby measured 9.5 weeks while I was 11.5 weeks along. I gave birth in the middle of the night, and even though I've given birth to a full term baby, I had no clue what was actually happening. The cramping and heavy bleeding that I was told would happen should have been described as birth. I too, have a picture of my baby. My baby was not in the sac anymore, and the body was fully intact. We decided to cremate our baby and will have a memorial service tomorrow.

  • Becky Parsons

    I am extremely fortunate enough to have never experienced this loss. But I hope that everyone finds some comfort and peace.

    I didn't know how traumatic an experience this could be and probably like many others hadn't thought of it as a birth. Such a wonderful and brave thing to share this story and raise awareness.

    The health care system needs to change and provide sympathetic support and counselling to families in this situation.

    Sending thoughts and love to anyone struggling with this x

  • this is truly beautiful, thank you for sharing your experience and your precious child x

Writing a birth story is hard. You can really make it as simple or complex a version as you want. “I labored and then my baby came out” – this is how birth goes, and that simplicity is powerful too. But there is so much more (which is why this story is so long, but

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My “due date” was on a Saturday. As it approached I noticed an uptick in my braxton hicks contractions. I had been experiencing prodromal (pre-labor) for about 3 weeks until this point. I would have actual labor type contractions that wrapped around my back and squeezed my body and would come at 3-5 minute intervals

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  • Kristal

    This is so empowering to read!!! I could feel your passion and belief. You are a goddess 🙂

  • Thank you so much for sharing your incredible birth story with us! It took me two days to read it all because my kids were distracting me, so when I reached the end of your story I feel like it was more climatic due to waiting "what will happen next?" YOU are amazing! But you already know that, which is even more amazing! I love to see women taking back the power and control that was taken from them. I am doing my first UP/UC ("due" early october). I have trauma to work through as well. This story is so inspiring. Thank you! GO GODDESS MOMMA

Today we're sharing the birth story of one of our sweet Indie Birth Online members who has been an awesome participant in our How to Have an Indie Birth Online Course. She originally posted her birth story on her blog, and has graciously allowed us to share it here as well. Here's the link: http://dhammababy.com/2014/06/22/the-freebirth-of-tbd-nudity-warning/

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I have a folder on my computer called “1st Pregnancy” and it is full of things that still make me sad. Pictures of my growing belly, a video of us telling our family the news that we were pregnant, this story, and the pictures we took from the miscarriage that happened one year ago today.

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  • AT

    Dear Margo,
    Thank you for sharing your story.

    I have no words to console you for such a loss. You and Russell seem to have cultivated a deep and rich practice of acceptance, which seems to have helped you console yourselves.

    I was moved reading how you surrendered Violet to where she came, and at each choice of acceptance (vs blame or anger) you and Russell along the way.

    You deeply inspire me as to how I can hold change with ease and grace. Thank you for this.

    Wishing you continued peace and wellness.

  • Thank you! I am so glad that our story touched you, There have certainly been less graceful moments, but I am grateful that we were able to at least start the process from a place of acceptance and mindfulness, and honor our baby in that way <3

  • Elizabeth

    Thank you for sharing your story of loss and pain. Im 43 & about 6/7weeks and have been spotting for about a week and it's gotten worse, I saw dr yesterday friday and the ultrasound still showed sack she said I'm still pregnate, the day before I saw her blood was heavy and I felt a big dark clot came out and I saw it, was sure I miscarry, than yesterday blood was very light and today Saturday very heavy blood and many small blood clots, I looked in Internet and found your story, I cried as to what I'm feeling is very painful physically and emtionally and feel like baby won't make it 🙁 so your story is part of my journey and helping me to accept this if it is a going to be a loss for me. Thank you

  • Jen

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience I had searched the web high and low trying to find pictures so I could match up what was comin out of my body and if it was normal or okay and this really gave me closure. I had a miscarriage in June and that was rough it was at 10 weeks and the last day of my vacation I just started dumping blood like no tomorrow and I was that one person who held up the whole plane but I explained to them what was happening and they gave me a whole row to myself right next to the bathrooms and I'm 5'1" so that row made it so I could sleep through the flight which was amazing. Yet the other day I found out that my pregnancy wasnt a baby but a tumor (molar pregnancy) which is usually taken out by D&C and I had a previous tumor removed by D&C which the doctor scraped too well and made the walls of my uterus too smooth for a baby to attach to thus the miscarriage even though I was doing everything in my power to keep it healthy and safe. I had to take the misoprostil drug for it to evacuate and yeah it was a tumor that if I didn't remove would of killed me but I still felt terrible like it was my fault for the D&C because when I got it I was only 18 and didn't know I had family support and that there were other options and now I am worried I won't ever get the three kids I desperately want... Thanks so much for the pictures it helped me immensely and helped me not be so scared or worried I highly appreciate all you had to say as well, because the hormone changes are so intense and men don't really understand it and the fear that accompanies it so once again thanks for sharing it has touched more people than you can imagine ; ) also good luck and hope you have a wonderful family when the time comes.

  • Amy

    Thank you for your story and photos. I'm experiencing the same thing at this very moment. It's been traumatic physically and mentally. I passed the gestational sac today. I just have to trust that my body did the right thing. We will recover and try again but right now it's a sad time.

  • Elizabeth

    I'm experiencing miscarriage right now and just waiting for it to become what you described is excruciating in itself. I'm praying to be able to see my baby one time and I can't explain how much your photos and story are helping me right now. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this

  • Char

    I lost my baby at 7 weeks yesterday and my heart is broken. Every time I passed large clots or tissue I sobbed uncontrollably not wanting to believe I was having a miscarriage . I examined everything and was relived (if I can use that word) that I got to see and hold my baby. He was perfect. Tiny but perfect. I'm truly grateful for this as it is helping me to heal. I have psos so conceiving is a up hill battle but I am lucky as I have a healthy, happy, beautiful 2 year old. I have not used contraception in 8 years and have only had the 2 pregnancies so this baby was much longed for and loved right from the moment he was conceived :''(

  • Sending love, Char.

I write, speak, think and dream of birth regularly; this pregnancy was no exception to the documentation that I kept about myself, my journey and this wild one.  Re-reading my pregnancy journal, I looked forward to her birth, reminding myself how “raw” I knew it would be.  I also wrote what’s below at 37 weeks,

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  • I have been looking forward to this birth story because I knew it would be special. Truly beautiful and inspiring in so many ways... and it shows on your face in the photos. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I LOVE that quote about her name!

  • Happy Birthday Ever Wild!

    What an amazing Birth Story...I blogged it here: http://jennyhatch.com/2014/01/31/unassisted-birth-story-the-freebirth-of-ever-wild/

    Jenny Hatch

  • I am in tears from the beauty and inspiration of Ever Wild's birth story. It does not seem like a coincidence that an old friend named her baby girl Ever Love six months ago. With your description of your Ever's name all I would think was Everything in the world is inherently loved and wild. How beautiful is that? How awesome it will be if these two girls have a future connection? Wonder who is going to name their children Ever Light, Ever Peace and Ever Blessings. Then we would have manifested on Earth the truth of our home where everything is inherently wild and peaceful, filled with love, bursting with light and holding many blessings to offer. What a force to be reckoned with don't you think? I feel bright, bright birthings and big, big changes in the air as we all begin to heal from far too many generations of birth trauma. (How excited are you for the making of "Microbirth"? I'm so freaking excited). Blessed Be Maryn, Ever Wild and all your tribe that surrounds you. Thank you for sharing!

  • JulieBeth Lamb

    Congratulations! I think it is so interesting that you mentioned the separation. I had only one hospital birth, with my third child and even though I had an easy vaginal birth they took her to the nursery and didn't get around to bringing her back for four hours. I was frantic, it was on another floor, the nurse wouldn't let me get on the elevator. She is my only child with any learning disabilities, she has had a strained relationship with me and her siblings though our family is very close, she stresses easily over things. I really believe a big part of it was that separation. May both your birth stories inspire and encourage any women.

  • Christina Paris

    I, like everyone else, have anxiously been awaiting this story. Birth is such a wildly unpredictable process that is absolutely the most beautiful and empowering event that a woman may ever be able to experience. It is so wonderful how every birth is different, just as every child is different, and that we, as natural birth givers, are easily able to distinguish and remember the differences. I am sure, as tough as it was, you would say that you would not change a thing about the delivery. It was your's and it was her's, and because of that, it was perfect. I often say, "I am not ready to have another baby yet, but I would give birth again tomorrow if I had the opportunity." The experience is unlike any other. I cried reading your story, being so happy for you and the wonder of life you have recently been a part of, and also realizing how deeply I want the experience again. Thank you.

  • Lauren

    So how many days had ur water been broken before u gave birth to Ever? This is the first time I have heard of being able to do this.

  • Waters were open for 24 hours prior to birth.
    Here's another blog birth story of a woman who I attended that had waters open for several days.
    http://www.indiebirth.com/hands-off-home-birth/

It was one of those days when I was feeling disillusioned with birth in the "system"-it happens, and as a midwife I deal with it more than I want to. So, yes, it was one of those days when I met her. Sitting across the table from one another, just having met, and an instant

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  • JennaSimons

    Loved this story!  I, too, just had a homebirth (unassisted) in which my babe broke many of the "rules" of obstetrics.  As is most often the case, everything went beautifully...and it went beautifully BECAUSE there was no OB or hospital to panic and fuck things up.

  • Beautiful!  What an amazing story.  We've sure screwed things up...but those that are still thinking on their own will bring a revival back to the purity and meaning of bring new life into our world.  Thanks be to God.

  • Women are innately capable of growing and bringing forth their babies as designed by God. We have so much to be thankful for, and yes, that does include medical assistance when it is needed...... but how wise it is to only access it when its necessary.

This post is written in honor of the upcoming Heads Up Breech Birth Conference scheduled for November 9-11, 2012 in Washington, D.C. Anyone can attend, so feel free to pass this on to your midwife or doctor so that we can keep the skills of breech vaginal birth alive! 10 years ago, the Midwest. I

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