I attended my first-ever birth (other than my own) this past summer. The homebirth midwife who had attended my last birth was a little strapped for help—her partner was out of the country, she had another mama in labor, and her backup had another birth happening at the same time that she was in danger of having to run off to—so I got to go along as an extra pair of (unskilled) hands and moral support. I was honored to be able to attend the birth of the newest arrival to this amazing family.The mama—let’s call her Liz—was in the birthing pool fully naked when I arrived at their beautiful home around 6:30 AM. The dad—let’s call him Reed—is a carpenter and had made most of the home himself. Liz and Reed each had two other kids from previous relationships, and Reed was rushing around trying to get the kids set up with a video upstairs while Liz labored in the pool set up in the living room downstairs. Earlier in labor, Liz had baked delicious chocolate chip muffins for everyone, which sat cooling on top of the stove.
Liz’s contractions stayed at about the same pace and intensity for awhile. Sometimes she was able to rest and be calm in between contractions, and sometimes she started to cry a bit in between them, saying that she was very tired and felt that she couldn’t do it. Every time she said that, Reed said, “Of course you can, honey. You’re fine, you’re fine.” When a contraction came, Liz blew out through her lips and her whole body shook and trembled, from her strong hormones, the midwife said.
Probably at about 8 AM, Reed mentioned something about getting married and the midwife, who was able to officiate marriages in that state, offered to marry them right then and there. Liz and Reed both agreed—Reed joked that it was lucky you had so much adrenaline because you agreed so readily!—and in between contractions the midwife asked if Reed would take Liz as his wife and he said “Absolutely” and “Totally” and then she asked Liz if she would take Reed as her husband and “sometimes obey him” and she said “yes” and they kissed each other and Reed got the papers out and the backup midwife and I signed as witnesses and they were married. I said, “Wow, you got married totally naked!”
Liz continued to have contractions about the same width apart, but she said she felt yucky and faint in between them, and she waited for the contractions in order to push because she felt tired. The head was coming out slowly, slowly, and Liz reached down and felt it and Reed said, “He does have hair!” The head came about halfway out with one contraction and then just stayed there until another contraction hit, and Liz told the midwife, “Pull it out, pull it out!” but of course the midwife was just waiting for Liz.
Finally Liz got the whole head out and the baby’s face was completely out but the rest of him wasn’t emerging as quickly as anyone seemed to want, so the midwife flipped Liz over to hands-and-knees for the “Gaskin maneuver.” Once she was on hands and knees the midwife was really trying to “pull him out” but she couldn’t get a grip on a shoulder or anything and it was starting to get a little scary. She had to really reach inside and PULL. Finally she got his whole body out and then called for the backup midwife with the DeLee because the baby’s face was quite purple and he wasn’t breathing immediately. Everyone was pretty serious and intense and Reed was freaking out a little bit and saying, “Help him!” and Liz was worried and asking if he was ok. It felt like it had been a long time but very quickly in fact the baby made a little noise and was resting on your chest and pinking up. It was 9:49 AM when he was born, and 9 lbs. 11 oz., with no tearing whatsoever!
Before I left Reed told me how before they even got pregnant he had a dream that he was in a sort of “adoption agency in heaven” and a little boy with brown hair and brown eyes came up to him and put his hand out and seemed to be telling Reed, “I’m coming home with you.” The boy told Reed his name, and Reed said he felt that this baby had chosen to come and be with the family. And what a beautiful family it was.
